Have a cup of tea ready.
Because here I am.
Inviting you.
To be in my thoughts.
I do not know about you guys. But I can say, I still am pretty much shock. A death, of a close friend. Yes I know we have to let go, I did.
Adults say, take death as a learning experience. And thus I started pondering.
Life, it is unexpected. We have lots of problem and complaints to air out. But I keep asking myself how much do I appreciate the things I have in my life now. Friends, family and feelings.
We are reminded of the things we had done in our life so far. Is it enough? Have we done enough to ensure that we will have a smooth ride in the afterlife to come?
The good we did. And also, the sins. Which we keep telling ourselves not to do it but find us at the loosing ends of our own temptations or feelings. Funny isn’t it?
We know it is wrong, yet we somehow lose that battle of temptation. Be it through physical strength or mental strength. Yet, after every battle lost we will have a sense of strength and determination to spur us to continuing fighting the war.
And will win someday. Contradicting much?
But what if that someday is to come, but we aren’t able to open our eyes to see it?
Would that be too late? Is taking one step at a time to change considered too late?
Do I have the strength to literally turn over a new leaf?
Change, it is harder than I thought.
And then I’ll stare blankly blocking all sight and sounds. Regardless of where I am.
And then we see our friends, family, an icon or a special someone. Well, to me, now, it’s that special someone. Who gives newly found inspiration , to fight and finally win this never ending war of change. It is like a new strength or inspiration or motivation that is in me to spur me on. Yet I clearly know it is just plain motivation.
But.
A loved one told me you have to change for the right reasons. Change for self or Change because of someone. For my case, what if that special someone doesn’t turn out to be that special someone? What will happen to you? Would you stop changing? Would you turn back to that old side of leaf? If yes so, that’s not change.
So how? I asked.
After sleepless nights(which I am amazed at what thinking can do to you, because I am dead tired after training but thinking, just numbs out every feelings you have), I tell myself, change, no its not going to happen today, or tomorrow or by the end of the week or starting Monday or after the Man Utd vs Sunderlands Match. It has to start now.
What about that special someone or icon gives us strength?
Well, for me, I’ll use that as a platform to stand on and make my own pillar of strength. Being said that, I feel that I am a weak being.
And I just hope that special someone know how significant she is in this friendship, I tried putting the words in a card but the message was still hidden.
And I’ll continue praying, for the strength I need to change as much as I can.
And, a little girl’s voice from a part of a familiar song would echo in my head to bring me back to reality. And it goes........
There's nothing here to take for granted
With each breath that we take
The hands of time strip youth from our bodies
And we fade...
Memories remain
As time goes on
Labels: Change, its difficult
